my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
We have started to decorate penises.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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