Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
