Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
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