I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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