you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
