I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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