Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
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