Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
