Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
