I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
