i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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