You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
