And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
