I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
