I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
he just fucked me for my cheese.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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