My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
