Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
