i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
