i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
