Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
