Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Randomize
