You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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