she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
