I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
