I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
