god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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