there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
