ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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