you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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