I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
My balls are so social today.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
