last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
