sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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