i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
