There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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