the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon�
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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