I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
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