So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
We smell like vodka and hangover
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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