i love accidental penises.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
