just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
So much rum. So many feels.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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