somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
