nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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