how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Randomize
