You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I fill condoms, not promises.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
