so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Randomize
