That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Ketchup is God's man juice
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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