I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
