he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
