God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
someone owes me an orgasm
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
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