I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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