I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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