I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
