How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
