dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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